Today

11/07/2010

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      Allyson came over around 10:30 today. We then ventured off to the dollar tree to buy some balloons and party decorations. We're so awesome.
     Then we arrived at Darren's house. A few people were cooking and some where doing decorations. It was pretty fun to start with. Vienna, Alex and I had this great Idea to line Darren's room door with streamers. Eventually Alex and Vienna ditched, so Alan, Akash and I finished it off by taping the entire doorframe, top to bottom with this box tape thingy. So awesome.
     But before that, Albert hid the gift in there and made it look like Arnold Schwarzenegger was lying in his bed. Lol!
     So much happened, it felt like it went by in a blur. Darren came home and he was extremely shocked. We chilled for a bit, then ate homemade burritos. Then had some cake and opened gifts. Darren had to literally jump into the trap we made him (to his room) to find the present. When he found it, he was totally amazed and surprised. Pretty awesome.
     The next couple of hours kinda went like this. Sat around and talked. Caking. Babe came by to surprise Darren. Video game playing. Apples to Apples. Rockband!!!! Cheesy Quesadilla. Talked some more. Chilled.
     It was so fun. It might not sound like it, but I guess you'd have to be there to experience it. Oh how I miss rockband so much.


     After Darren's party, I went to my cousin's house to chill. I started off by playing some PvZ; my uncle annoyed me so much, I just wanted to kick him... Eventually, Michael came and sat next to me, so I shared with him. Buahaha, now he's addicted to PvZ too! I played with baby Wayne today. He's so cute and adorable. It was so funny. We played hide and seek and he couldn't find me so he walked around the whole house yelling my name. So cute!


     I had fun today despite my recent fallout. It was a good day today.
     -banhzaii
 

11/07/2010

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I cried, so now the world is crying with me. This is swell. I like it. 
 
 
I just feel like a puppy who's always being scolded. I don't know what to do, because everytime I think I'm doing something right, I always get shut down and pushed away. What the fuck do I do? 

Do I stay positive? Do I rant with you? Do I change the subject? 

Like honestly, I'm trying my best right now to be the best fucking girlfriend ever. But it's hard. And it clearly doesn't help when you don't really communicate with me. I'm trying to make you feel better, but clearly it's not working. I'm just, so, goddamn frustrated right now. 

You tell me what to do, and like a puppy I listen. But you never take what I say into consideration. That's not fair, but who said life was?

GODDAMN. Fuck the world. Right now, I just want to go out to the park and walk around, or maybe even walk around fucking Milpitas. I can't even sleep anymore. But I know if I do that, you're gonna yell at me, the cops are gonna yell at me, I might get attacked or whatever. 

Can you, or someone just tell me the answer, so I can be happy again?
 

11/06/2010

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I haven't really been in the blogging mood lately. I guess I've just been too busy and overwhelmed with the amount of homework that I had to do.


Lucky for I, I finished ALL my math hw on Friday. Then I corrected ALL the Poli Hw and read 90 Pages for English today. I'm done with homework! All I really need to do is study for accounting and I'm solid. 


Hoyle graded my persuasive essay on Abortion on Monday (which I was totally freaking out about). He liked it so much that I don't have to write a final draft! Woot woot! I love my life. haha.


I feel so accomplished this weekend. I gots all my homework done and now I literally have nothing to do. I've been watching House and playing Plants Vs Zombies all day today. My mom thought I was messing around and not doing homework when HA, in fact, I finished all of mines!


Currently watching the sharks game. Sharks VS Lightning. It's Nittymaki's old team! Pressureee. jkjk. GAHHHHH. They friggen suspended Thorton for 2 game. EFF YOUUUU REFS. You SUCK!!! 


Current score: 2-1. 4 mins left in the 1st period. LET'S GO SHARKS!!!! <3
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I've noticed a change in attitude and feelings in myself recently.

Yes. I have those days where they are off days.

But I've come to realize (with the help of Nicky) that we are all (or mostly) Emotionally Retarded. 

What do I mean about being "emotionally retarded"? 

SImple. When there is a cry for help from someone we all tend to look the other way. My colleague, Juliette, brought up a very truthful quote, "Don't yell for help, yell 'fire'". I'm not going to lie, I've probably gone through hundreds of tweets, tumblr posts, status updates where people have expressed themselves through some sort of emotional discharge (laughing, crying, hurting themselves or other things, etc.). I've looked at it then looked away, without even realizing or contemplating if they needed any help--anything to help them through the day. 

I'm also not going to lie when I say that when I get upset and no one bothers to pick me off the ground, I get even more upset. I know, I'm being hypocritical, but it's the truth. Don't you feel it too? We're all just emotionally retarded. 

It might be because we're either busy, or we wouldn't know what to do in that situation to help the person, or whatever other reason, which is understandable. But speaking for myself, just having someone encourage me, or listen to me, or even just send me a friendly text will make me feel better or even put a smile on my face. 

Therefore, I vow to become emotionally intelligent. I'll try my best to help my friends and peers feel better and help them with whatever they need. No one is perfect. 

Honestly speaking, just by helping my friend today made me feel so much better about myself. Sending a few texts out last week made me smile for the rest of the day. Just because my life is sometimes eff'd up, doesn't mean I can't help someone else. I have the potential to lift someone up and help them rise above. 

I hope you decide to go forth with being emotionally intelligent as well.

 

10/31/2010

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It makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that you're drinking, then you're gonna drive home. I don't care if your friggen buzzed, just don't do it. -_-. Really.
 
 
     I keep getting stressed out by school. So much to do! I feel as though I never have time for anything anymore. On top of school, I balance out my friendships as well and making sure I spend time with them. Anyways:


Wednesday was an insignificant day. Not much happened, nor do I remember anything special happen.


Thursday: 
     Random pop quiz in math. We got to work in pairs; thank goodness for Josephine. 
     Clare is a lifesaver! She hella helped me out in accounting and got me pretty caught up. Accouting wasn't too bad either. 


Friday:
     I made cake pops with Bianca! It took up from 4-10/11. Hecka crazy! Super fun, yet super messyyyy. 
    Bowling for a bit afterwards. I love to bowl, even though I'm bad at it...


Saturday:
     PCI graduation! <3
     Warrior Dash. So much funnn
     Sonics
     1 month with babe <333


Sunday:
     Halloween!! Did my essay all morning till 4, then got ready to go to Albert's
    We played some games, then chilled and ate some food, then dressed up and headed out to trick or treat. Fun fun fun.
     When we got back, we watched some TV then Albert put on this movie that makes you think a lot. Good movieee.
     Babe came for a bit, so I got to see him. Then Homebound!


sigh sigh sigh. School tomorrow..
     -Banhzaii
 
 
     I ended up having no time yesterday to blog, since I got home around 4, chilled with babe till 6, napped till 9, and did hw till now. 


     So anyways. I've just been going through a lot of emotional stuff recently. It's not like me to be this way, but I guess that's what happens when you bottle too many things in. Eventually, the bottle overfills and it breaks or overflows, and that's what happened with me. I've been down these past few weeks, Tuesday was certainly my breaking point. Thanks to Patty, she rescued me and made me feel better and took me away to get my mind off of the stuff. 
     When I got home, babe came over and I told him everything. 3-4 hours of coversation, no conversation, crying, laughing, sleeping, listening to music, etc. It was nice getting it out, then getting feed back, because in the end, I realized that everything is okay. 


     The world is still revolving and it's not going to blow up. 


If you expected me to blog about what was wrong, you won't find it here. Just talk to me and maybe i'll tell you. Whoever you are. 
 
 
    I guess, if I have time to blog tomorrow, I'll talk about it something. Maybe. Iono. We'll see.
 
 
     Not because I'm a fucked up girl in this fucked up world. But because I'm tired of not being heard. 
     I want someone to be there, to listen to me for once, without a cloud of judgment or bias. Without their inputs or outputs, just a simple nod of acceptance and that you're still with me in my insane life. 
     For once, I just want to talk, and talk, and talk. No disturbances until I've gotten everything out on the plate. For once, I want someone to listen to what I have to say. Take it in. and just be there. A present body to keep my insanity in check. 
     I honestly would prefer talking to a stranger, someone who I have no real connection to. Someone who I would never see, hear, or speak to ever again. I wouldn't mind talking to a therapist either. Like I said, I just want to be heard.