So Pats and I began our day by meeting up and going to the Box Office to get some business settled.. sadly, we were immediately shot down. JERKS… W/e. I conditioned myself to believe that it’s okay, and it was worth a try. 

So I went over to Pat’s for a bit, then we went to Sabrina’s to get Sabrina fitted into gear and stuff. I got to play with Chewy! Chewy loves me! Lol. 

After, we went out to this Korean Restaurant for lunch. Our waiter was named Andrew and Pats has a crush on him. Lol! He’s kind of.. awkward. He listened into our convos! 0_o

After lunch, I swung by home to pick up stuff, then back to Pat’s house. After Patty and Sabrina left for work, I went to Target, then swung back around to pick up my friends; Diane, Biance, and Daniel. Keke.

We went to Vfair, and bought a hello kitty car shade. I also bought Diane’s NF Backpack! :D. We were gonna buy more things, but we literally couldn’t find anything else that would suit Patty. We ended up deciding to go to The Tech Museum to find a kite… Fail. So yeahh, we went back to the car and chilled and waited for Pats to come and find me, with Sabrina. 

Our final plan were to have the sibs hide in the parking garage, I go down to see Pats and Sabrina, go back up b/c I “forgot my wallet”. Then SURPRISE!

When they finally found me, Patty was so angry! Lololololol. So I went through with the Plan and Patty was speechless. She knew it was coming, but that’s b/c she’s hella lame like that -_-. PATTY LOVED THE GIFTS! Lol. 

So Yeah! After that surprise, we had to run across the street in order to get back to Pat’s car and to drop off Diane and Bianca. Patty…. dropped her keys.. in the middle of the street. No joke. 2 cars ran over them. LAWLS! Daniel retrieved them safely though.

After dropping off Diane and Bianca, we wanted to catch a showing of Little Fockers, but we missed it by a few mins. So instead, we drove around for a long ass time, telling hella funny stories. We ended up going to Chipotle, and having dinner. 

POWELLS RUN! Pats sped over to Los Gatos and we sprinted to the Candy store 1 minute before they closed! They let us in. I got so many sour belts! Ahh heaven. It cost me lesss than $5 too! Sweet deal!

After that, we all went to see the Fantasy of Lights show. OMGAHH, so beautiful! $15 well spent. Then, we got back to xmas in the parks, picked up Diane and Bianca, then I got dropped off at my car. I drove Sabrina home and now I’m at home.

Such a crazy day. I feel like we’ve gone through so many different emotions, it’s quite amazing! Lol. So fun, so spontaneous. I’m so glad we didn’t watch a movie, this beats movie any day.



I've been having this weeirddd sleep schedule lately. Sleep late, wake up early. Today, I slept at 3AM-ish and I woke up around 8. How weird right? Maybe it's  all the anxiety or the adrenaline. at 3am though, I had so much energy. I felt like I was on a sugar rush or something. Also, My knee hurted like a beezy, and it still does. I'm limping everywhere I go. Maybe I'll ask pats to borrow Diane's crutches for the day. I'd be so cool. 

NOW I'm getting kinda tired. I showered though, so my hair is all wet. Maybe I'll just lay down.. or something.
I had brunch with the family. Steak for lunch!

Picked up Jon and headed over to Kimmie's house. I learn so much from both of them. We also went to Home Depot to look for paint samples and such. I also learned that with Behr, they have these colorful paper samples that can be used as note cards AND they come with a ring while also, it's pre hole punched. I'm so gonna go there when I need note cards. Hehe. 

Dropped off Kim, Dropped off Jon, went home. Talked to Bob. Bob came over and helped me pack up and empty my room. My room is literally empty, besides a chair, my bed and my TV.. Yeappp. I took Bob out to TK noodo as a treat, then he bought me some pearl drinks and taught me how to sign. 

When I got back home and finished the last minute packing and moving, I asked my dad what to buy, and we got into a little argument. He wanted to just paint on tuesday instead of monday. So I was a little frustrated bc i made plans on tuesday. But now I realize that I can easily switch the days, so it's not such a big deal anymore. So tomorrow I'll talk to them about it and we'll paint on Tuesday, hopefully. 

So we finished and got the closet all empty and stuff. Then Darren came over. So we all chilled; Darren, Bob and I. They didn't stay for long though, I kicked them out about 20 mins later.. But then realized that they're still standing outside my house talking for the past 30 mins... weirdos. Haha.

Thank you so much for your Help bob! You are awesomeee. And thanks for your Gift darren! I absolutely Love it!!! 

PS. To you:
     I know you're going on your trip. I really hope you have an amazing time. Clear your mind, let it free on the slopes. I know you wont respond to me, but I hope you have a great time anyways. I'll keep myself busy in the meantime. Stay safe babe. I love you and I miss you! But really, enjoy yourself, don't let anything in the past couple of days effect you, okay?



Can I just turn back the clock to that day? 

Honestly, if I knew that this was going to happen, I would have smothered my emotions and not be selfish. 
I feel as though I'm single again. Where I don't have that person I can talk to at the end of my day. I don't like this.

Today was one of the shittiest day of this entire year. I felt alone and unwanted. I felt as though I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I cried to myself many times today. I just want to be able to talk to you, to hear your reassuring voice that everything is okay. I want to smile again. 

I'm not going to lie, I really considered driving my car into a solid brick wall. That's how shitty my day was. 
I just wanted to let you know that, it can still be fixed



No matter how many tantrums my dad threw in the past year to totally destroy my christmas, so far, this one takes the cake. 

"I was going to get you something, but since you were mad at me, I decided not to anymore". For the record, I hate you for that. You know who you are.

Am I not good enough anymore? I wasn't going to say it, but there goes my self-confidence, once again. 

I wanted just one thing... But I guess I don't deserve it. 

I'm fucking crying on Christmas. I can't sleep, for my nose is all stuffed up from being upset. Why are you doing this to me?

And you know what? Our 3 months is 5 days away. I know you're going on that snow trip, so I doubt I'd get to spend it with you... again. I won't be able to talk to you for... oh, about a week? Fuck my life. Fuck this shit. 

My Christmas is ruined. I'm not gonna set any expectations for today. Maybe I'll just loathe, sadly, locking myself up in my room for the entire day. What good's gonna come out of going out anyways? 

I know that you're a complicated person. But, seriously? It's fucking Christmas. It's supposed to be "The most happiest time of the year". Happy my ass...



It's actually driving me quite crazy. This whole not talking thing. Oiy, anxiety attack.. I can't stand it. Shad face. I need to talk to you, I need to hear your voice. 




I'm kind of sad.. hearing about this stuff. Well, it shouldn't concern me, but it still makes me feel blahh anyways. I dunno what to do.. I'm pacing my room back and forth, I'm getting a friggen anxiety attack. I want to go with you, in the off chance that you DO invite me. Which is doubtful. Why? B/c I was away for almost a week without seeing ma famille. I do hope you invite me though. I'd be sad if you didn't, but I would understand. 

I just.. I dunno. I just.. want to be... with you. That's all I'm asking for
My expectations:
-You standing there in front of my house with open arms greeting me with a warm smile while helping me move back into the house. In reality, you were out eating lunch with your friend, but that's fine, that's whatever.
-My room, untouched and ready for my to unpack and finally relax. In reality, my sister took over my room with all of her scrapbooking things all over the place.
-Waiting an hour or so waiting to get my room back. In reality, waiting 5-6 hours, but even so, my sister wasn't finished using my room
-You coming over, kissing me, and telling me how much you miss me. In reality "You have another pimple?"
-Us going into my room while you ask me about my trip. In reality, you just sat there and played with your itouch...
-Me walking out of the house, expecting it to take a few seconds until you ran after me. In reality, you fell asleep and didn't look for me until 30 mins later.
-You, letting me be while I tell you that I'm fine and that I just wanted to walk. In reality, you got mad at me back. wtf. 
-Me running away to hidden lake, waiting for you to come and find me while riding my bimmer. In reality, you left the car back at my place and ran away to verde with Nikko.
-Me texting Nikko, hoping he can swing by Hidden Lake to pick up your keys. In reality, it too much out of the way for him to come. 
-Me walking home, hoping that you would respond to my text. In reality, no texts from you.
-Me falling and having you catch me like you said you always would. In reality,  a hurt wrist and a hard ground. Whatever. 

When you set yourself up for too many expectations, you'll end up with none. Should I just not expect anything from you? I wish sometimes you can read my mind, but sadly, you can't. This is a frustrating day. I wanted an escape, a getaway, and you were it. But in reality, a shitty day this is. 

I feel like I always text you first when we're in a fight like this. But can you please fulfill at least one of my expectations? I'll give you a hint: Come to my house so we can fix it.