What are friends? People who back stab you and talk shit about you behind your back? No. Friends. Real friends are the ones that have your back and don't say shit about you to anybody. I know everyone does it, talk crap and everything, we're human and its inevitable.
What I can't possibly get out of my head is "why". Why talk shit about me? I did nothing wrong but try and make some new friends. Is that wrong? I'm sorry that my bold personality has allowed you to feel threatened in anyway. I don't mean to talk jokingly with other guys as if I'm hitting on them or even FLIRTING with them. I've been comfortable with them like how I am to anybody; Guy or Girls. I don't mean to make THAT GUY that you like fall for me. I can't control other people's feelings, they choose to feel what they feel and if they like me, then it's inevitable for me. I don't mean to lead people on with my personality, it's just harmless chatting for me and honestly if you were my real friends, you would've seen past YOUR thoughts and realized that there was no intentions to anything. You should know that I look down on COCK BLOCKERS, I don't like them so why would I be them? It all comes to one conclusion; Jealousy
I'm starting to second guess my friendship with you guys. I've done so much for you guys and this is how you repay me? Wow. Some friends you are. I expected so much better from you guys especially if you don't like drama. If you don't like it so much, why be apart of it? I cherish my friendship with you guys the most. Do you know why? Besides Kim, you guys are basically my only other girlfriends that I can tell my shit to. My friends from school are only friends but you guys, I consider you guys my best friends. But seriously? If this is what best friends do then I don't want to have any best friends. Maybe I shouldn't have any friends at all.
I know that you were only out to look out for him, but seriously? Telling him shitty lies about me? Wow. Unbelievable. If you were honestly mature enough and wanted to get away from the drama, you would've told him something different.
I know that at the lake when you ladies had your little chatting circle, you guys were talking about me. It's no doubt you were, I don't need any proof but what I feel. I felt that you guys were hella talking shit about me and you know what? Fine. Go ahead, just remember that I KNOW everything and that Karma's a Bitch.
No, I did not lead him on, or any of the guys. I can't help it if they like me, I'm not gonna change who I am nor will I be fake. He already knows that I'm at the point where I'm not here to impress anyone, for once, I am comfortable in my own skin. It really makes me happy being me and being so comfortable with people that I can joke around with them. But honestly, I only see it as jealousy. If you were so jealous and so frightened, why invite me in the first place? Why bother? I would have totally accepted it because I'm not the type to be butt hurt about non invitations.
So what's said is said. I wish to put it in the past. I just want you to know that I don't go up to people telling them my shit and my problems, they come up to me to check up on me because that's what friends are for. I live by many mottos; "Get sad, Get mad. Get over it." , "leave your baggage at the door." , "the past is the past." etc.
Honestly, since this is in the past, I'm this close to putting our friendship in the past. I don't like dealing with shit like this, and if you know me enough to care, you know that I'd rather walk away from drama especially if it's THIS ridiculous. I wouldn't be ranting about this if I didn't care, but I do care. I built this wall up, but now it's been torn down. I feel as if I can trust no one. I feel like the world has walked out on me when I needed someone the most and that's the shittiest feeling ever. When you feel as if you lost trust in everybody, expecially your best friends.
-Banhzaii
P.S - Thanks to Hieu, Kenny, Darren, and Kevin Anthony for sticking with me through thick and thin. And to Axell for always loving me and protecting me. I couldn't have asked for a tighter, more loving and caring group of people.
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So this past weekend I went camping. It was quite an experience with many ups and downs... Literally. I'm thankful to Jen's parents for planning this whole trip that was dedicated to us. Although, I do wish that Jen's friends were more proactive, prepared, and not boring. I woke up Friday morning at 8 to shower and pack the last of my belongings. I left the house around 9 AM to head over to my Dad's shop to help him one last time for the week. I'm trying to build up those brownie points for that concert this weekend. I just filed his papers, cleaned all of his magazines, and swept the floor. By the time it was 10:30 AM, I had already finished and I left to head out to Jen's house which was about 5 minutes away. Once I arrived I was greeted by her whole crew and we chilled and waited for the rest of her friends to show up. Afterwards, we packed what we could in the cars and waited. It was a super long wait. Kevin, Allyson, and I were hot and bored so we got permission to head out to Yoswirl. Yum. We came back and  finished loading up my car. We had to leave some things behind because there was no more room, but it's alright. We left around 1:30 PM and headed to Plesanton to pick up Jen from her performance at the Alameda County Fair. When we opened the door to let her in, a burst of hot air rushed in. OMG, so hot. We stopped at the gas station/Wendy's to get Jen's mom some food, then we were on our way. Everything was going swell until Jen's mom missed the exit! Wow. Lol. It's alright, we had Anthony, Kikay's Dad there to guide us because he knew the roads to Merced. So yea. It was a 2 and a half hour drive, but was actually 3 or 4. We got lost a few more times, but ended up going the right way. Jen's mom was freaking out and never wanted to go back to this place. Once we arrived a gush of hot air surrounded us. It was bad and we were all sweating. We had to unload the car and pitch the tent. The guys; Frank, Axell, Alex, Chester, Kevin, and Mark stayed in this massive tent and they took theirs out to set it up before us but Allyson, Jen and I finished before them with our small Mini tent. We set up so its all nice and cozy. we all brought tons of blankets so we layed that all on the ground so its cushiony and soft instead of rocky and hard. So yea. After, we just chilled and stuff, I  pulled out my Scattergories for them to play. It was hecka fun! Yay Scattergories. By the time it got dark, we pulled out the s'mores but Jen's friends were all. BLEH. and didn't make any. Lazy. That's one thing I don't like about them. If they're bored, they show it, they have to literally have someone there to entertain them. I felt bad because Jen's parents worked so hard for us to enjoy ourselves. Anyways, Jen, Allyson and I went into our tent to talk and then Jen left us so Allyson and I just talked some more. Then Jen called and told us to go down to the docks to look at the stars so we left, but we got hecka lost and had to stop and ask for directions. While we were walking, we saw Anthony and he took us down to the docks. He's hecka nice and informative, kinda reminds me of Cosmo. At the docks, the stars looked hecka nice and pretty. It was so peaceful. We stayed there for about an hour then we headed back to the campsite. We just hung out a little bit more and I fell asleep. I missed Darren, Kenny and Wilson.  The next morning, I was awakened by the annoyance of the guy's tent music. They hecka blasted it. Not Funny. We woke up around 7 AM and got changed and ready and everything. We had eggs for breakfast. Yum. I felt bad because Jen's mom hecka tried to make us a nice breakfast and no one bothered to help her or eat it, so Erik, Dee and I had some. It wasn't that bad. The Morning started off slow and hot, but once we got changed, we headed off to the lake and the fun really started. We started off by loading the boat and everything and finding a spot. Jen's dad had to do 2 trips because there were too many people. So Allyson, Rochelle and I pitched the canopy while Jen's mom was taking a break and relieving her stress. We did well for 3 girls and mighty wind. After that, We immediately jumped into the lake for refreshment. Then the rest of the gang came and joined us in the lake. It was nice and fun. I'm glad  I brought my water guns, it was put to good use. Jen's dad had to go back to get the hose for the grill so the guys; Axell, Alex, Frank, Chester and I went back to camp to retrieve it. I also had to get my first aid kit because too many of them were bleeding all over the place. So clumsy. So when we got back to the lake spot we went tubing. It was so fun! At first I didn't go with them, but they came back because the tube broke; good thing they had 2 with them. The second time I went with them and Jen and I decided to go first because they wanted a "pro" (Jen) to go first. It was amazing! We went on for a good 2 minutes. Jen and I couldn't stop screaming. It was really scary yet super thrilling. After our turn, Chester and Dee went but something was wrong and they kept sinking. Then Frank and Alex went but they kept sinking too. So Jen and Kirsten went and they sank again. No one was able to make it work afterwards, until Kirsten and I went. It was crazy. We went on for a long time but Jen's dad made a sharp turn and Kirsten flew off and skidded on her butt while I flew off and did a somersault into the water. The guys said that I looked like a rock skipping because my life vest made me skip off of the water. It was so fun flying off though. No lie. Kirsten and I were like "Yea!" and High Fived each other. Everyone was like "Dude Jessica! You're a good luck charm! Go tubing with me!" Lol. Funny. So we went back and chilled some more and then we transferred places. We were gonna stop in the middle of the lake, but Jen's uncle had to take the boat back and it stopped on them so we were then stranded on an island with white people and their annoying music. Jen's dad had to do 2 trips to get back onto the docks so the people left stranded on the island were Jen, Allyson, Kirsten, Mark, Alex,  Frank, Chester, and Jen's cousin Jordan. The rocks were painful! Jen, Allyson and I got bored so we made face paint. Hecka funny. We looked silly. Jen's father picked us up after what felt like forever and once we got back on the docks, we were immediately given ice cream. YUM. I feel special. When we came back we just chilled/ate/slept/showered/played etc. For dinner we had rice and korean BBQ. So yummy. By the time night fell, Allyson, Jen and I headed to the showers. It feels so good to be clean. Then we went over to the docks to do more star gazing. We also told some scary stories. Anthony told some really good stories, but it revolved around God and Christianity/Catholicism and I'm Buddhist so it was wierd for me. I was super tired and cold at the docks, but it was really nice. When we were walking back, it was hecka dark and I was super tired so I couldn't walk straight. I'm glad Axell was there to accompany me. Lol.  The next morning, Jen's mom made us Omlettes! I woke up around 8 AM and had some. It was delicious! She put hecka Mushrooms on it! This was our last day so we had to pack everything up before we hit the lakes. Jen, Allyson and I finished hecka quickly and chucked everything in my trunk. It took a while for everyone to finish packing and cleaning but I think we hit the waters by 12? A group of us went before the rest so we got really hot and so we automatically jumped into the water. When the rest of the group arrived, they left us to go on the boat first, we were gonna be second. So we got out of the water and waited. It was a pretty long wait but Jen's dad finally arrived, the rest of her family were there also and they brought tons more water and ice cream for us. So yea, we went to a pretty good spot, locks of rocks, but it was alright. Dee, Kikay and Erik found frogs! Some were small but Dee's was hecka big! I got tired of swimming so I went back on land with the rest of the guys. Jen's dad took the people who haven't gone tubing yet, tubing. They went to fill up gas first but then we saw them flying by. The tube worked! First was Jen and Dee, they were going really good until Dee flew off, but Jen kept going because you can hear her scream. LMAO. So yea. After that, another 2 tried to tube but it didn't work for them. But anyways, Jen's dad had to come back b/c he was hecka cramping up. Oh dear. It was alright though, I had good convos with Axell and Kevin. I felt like the ladies were talking about me. Is it because I'm hecka talking to Frank or something? Iono, he's a nice person. Honestly, he is. So yea, we didn't go tubing after that, I wish everyone had a chance to but it was already past 5 when we left. So yea, we left, packed up and headed home. We stopped by Taco Bell  and had our last dinner. After Taco Bell, I drove home for about an hour. Its good practice! I've never driven past Fremont before, so it was hecka different. But yea, after an hour, Jen's mom and I switched places and she drove the rest of the way home. When we got back home, we immediately took all the stuff out of my car. and just hung out for a little. It was 10 PM by the time we arrived home. Jen's dad scared us by firing fireworks. Lol. I drove Allyson and Kevin home and I headed home myself. I was gonna go to Darren's house because I didn't know if they were gonna rockband or not, but I ended up just going home, showering, and then falling asleep. Bed. <3 -Banhzaii Kenny Ngo: no my butt is huge and sexy =] Axell: yes yes I'm a jerk Today was quite an unproductive day for me. I didn't do much, just stayed home and slept. I was still pretty exhausted from the weekend so I took an extra 5 hours of sleep. Albert asked if I wanted to go to Monteray for 3 day and 2 nights with him. I asked my dad and he got HECKA mad! He says I go out to much. I don't disagree with him but I'm just trying to make the best of what I have. In the end my dad let me go. I'm scared to remind him of the concerts now... Anyways, I had a really good convo with Albert that lasted till 2 in the morning. Lol. It's nice talking to him, this is the first good convo I've had with him ever! But yea, I'm excited for Monteray. Paramore concert this Saturday! I think I'll ask my mom if I can go... Scared. I'm trying to lay low below the radar. I'm gonna help clean and everything and not go out except for work. I hope my plan works out for me.
-Banhzaii |  Favorite Sites
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