I just feel like a puppy who's always being scolded. I don't know what to do, because everytime I think I'm doing something right, I always get shut down and pushed away. What the fuck do I do? 

Do I stay positive? Do I rant with you? Do I change the subject? 

Like honestly, I'm trying my best right now to be the best fucking girlfriend ever. But it's hard. And it clearly doesn't help when you don't really communicate with me. I'm trying to make you feel better, but clearly it's not working. I'm just, so, goddamn frustrated right now. 

You tell me what to do, and like a puppy I listen. But you never take what I say into consideration. That's not fair, but who said life was?

GODDAMN. Fuck the world. Right now, I just want to go out to the park and walk around, or maybe even walk around fucking Milpitas. I can't even sleep anymore. But I know if I do that, you're gonna yell at me, the cops are gonna yell at me, I might get attacked or whatever. 

Can you, or someone just tell me the answer, so I can be happy again?

11/6/2010

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I haven't really been in the blogging mood lately. I guess I've just been too busy and overwhelmed with the amount of homework that I had to do.


Lucky for I, I finished ALL my math hw on Friday. Then I corrected ALL the Poli Hw and read 90 Pages for English today. I'm done with homework! All I really need to do is study for accounting and I'm solid. 


Hoyle graded my persuasive essay on Abortion on Monday (which I was totally freaking out about). He liked it so much that I don't have to write a final draft! Woot woot! I love my life. haha.


I feel so accomplished this weekend. I gots all my homework done and now I literally have nothing to do. I've been watching House and playing Plants Vs Zombies all day today. My mom thought I was messing around and not doing homework when HA, in fact, I finished all of mines!


Currently watching the sharks game. Sharks VS Lightning. It's Nittymaki's old team! Pressureee. jkjk. GAHHHHH. They friggen suspended Thorton for 2 game. EFF YOUUUU REFS. You SUCK!!! 


Current score: 2-1. 4 mins left in the 1st period. LET'S GO SHARKS!!!! <3
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I've noticed a change in attitude and feelings in myself recently.

Yes. I have those days where they are off days.

But I've come to realize (with the help of Nicky) that we are all (or mostly) Emotionally Retarded. 

What do I mean about being "emotionally retarded"? 

SImple. When there is a cry for help from someone we all tend to look the other way. My colleague, Juliette, brought up a very truthful quote, "Don't yell for help, yell 'fire'". I'm not going to lie, I've probably gone through hundreds of tweets, tumblr posts, status updates where people have expressed themselves through some sort of emotional discharge (laughing, crying, hurting themselves or other things, etc.). I've looked at it then looked away, without even realizing or contemplating if they needed any help--anything to help them through the day. 

I'm also not going to lie when I say that when I get upset and no one bothers to pick me off the ground, I get even more upset. I know, I'm being hypocritical, but it's the truth. Don't you feel it too? We're all just emotionally retarded. 

It might be because we're either busy, or we wouldn't know what to do in that situation to help the person, or whatever other reason, which is understandable. But speaking for myself, just having someone encourage me, or listen to me, or even just send me a friendly text will make me feel better or even put a smile on my face. 

Therefore, I vow to become emotionally intelligent. I'll try my best to help my friends and peers feel better and help them with whatever they need. No one is perfect. 

Honestly speaking, just by helping my friend today made me feel so much better about myself. Sending a few texts out last week made me smile for the rest of the day. Just because my life is sometimes eff'd up, doesn't mean I can't help someone else. I have the potential to lift someone up and help them rise above. 

I hope you decide to go forth with being emotionally intelligent as well.