I already know. It's just who I am, it's in my nature. I hate it though, but it's something I can't seem to get rid of. A bad habit I guess.

I especially hate complaining about girls and how they act around you. I guess it just shows that I'm the jealous type. But how can I not be? You have girls all around you, swooning over every step you take. 

Obviously, you don't see it. But me? Yeah, I see it. I see all of those bitches trying to get your attention. And guess what? It works, all the damn time. 

How can I not be jealous? Once a new girl steps into your life, you automatically consume your life in her business. "friends" you constantly remind me. Sure. I'm just waiting for that day until you leave me for another girl. I'm just waiting to say "See? I told you so". Of course, I don't hope for that to come, but nowadays, it seems as if it's coming sooner than later. 

Yeah she may have another guy in the sidelines, but idk.. It just seems like you like her more than me. Perhaps it's because she is young and full of life? Because she has a nice car? Because she's beautiful? She's so energetic and friendly, I see that, which makes it harder to just see her as only a "friend". When she texts you, you automatically respond. She comes to you with her problems and concerns. She even fucking asks you advice on boots. I don't even do that! If she has another man in her life, why can't she talk to him about that stuff? Why does it have to be you? It's not like you guys are best friends.. 

It just upsets me. I can see why you would like her more than me. I can see why she is more interesting to talk about. "My girlfriend bakes.." vs "My friend has a slammed lexus, she's my coworker, she likes milktea, sundayfunday crew, xyz are all of her friends, etc." 

Now you're just "asleep" and "not hungry". You do that when you're irritated. Why can't you talk to me? When you're mad, talk to me. I talk to you, so why can't you do the same for me? You make it seem like I'm the only one that complains. You NEVER talk to me about your issues anymore. Perhaps it's because you've found a new person to talk to. Maybe I'm just not good enough anymore. 

I need to stop sugar coating this shit. This is how I feel:
I fucking hate it when you talk to her.
I fucking hate it when you respond to her immediately. 
I fucking hate how you always take pictures of her and post them on ig
I fucking hate your sunday funday crew
I fucking hate how you ignore me
I fucking hate how you don't tell me your problems
I fucking hate how you never apologize for anything, even if it's not your fault
I fucking hate feeling this way
I fucking hate feeling pathetic and lonely
I fucking hate crying alone. 
I fucking hate how you dont even realize what's going on. 


I need to stop depending on you for my happiness. I need to do shit on my own. I need to stop crying, stop feeling sorry for myself, stop being jealous, because clearly you won't help me.

The biggest thing I am ever afraid of it falling. I'm scared of letting my guard down, falling, and getting hurt. Congrats, you've done all three things. I've let my guard down for you. I've fallen for you, hard. And now, I've been hurt by you. Congrats. 
 


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