If I'm not personally invited somewhere, then I don't really want to go. I feel like the host didn't intentionally want me to go, so I don't want to intrude. Iono. Maybe it's because I always feel left out?

I've been so conditioned to get used to that that if I don't get invited somewhere, I'll be sad for a bit, then I'll get over it. 

Sometimes I just feel so alone, so forgotten that it makes me feel sad. What does one do in order to make themselves feel important? Maybe that's why I'm on the constant lookout of someone in pain. I'd rather ignore my feeling and help them instead. Maybe then will I make a big enough impression in their lives to remember me. 

Do I, myself, need to talk about my emotions freely in order to feel important? If you haven't noticed, I shelter my feeling and talk about it to a selected few. But even then, while talking to them, I just feel so stupid. It's not like my problems are the main talk with them anyways. It's always me saying "this is how I feel" and having a response such as "that sucks, but you know what's worse?" The whole convo is always like that. The main focus is always turned around, ALWAYS. That's why I don't feel like I'm important enough. 

I think people just seek happiness when they talk to me, so I just give them the persona that my life is chipper and bright. It's not like it's any of their concerns anyways, nor would they care to know my problem. 

You might think how stupid it is for me to type this out, because no matter what I say, "I'll always have those people out there for me who will always be there", but Like I said earlier, I don't want to intrude in their life. I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to rain on their parade. Plus, why talk to them about petty things when I 

I'm afraid that I'm going to be an emotional/depressed drunk. I don't want to drink, ever. I'd rather not anyways. 


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