basking in my forever alone-ness feeling upset and emotional like I always do. You're out partying while I'm stuck here going crazy and getting headaches. Why don't you tell me what you're doing? Am I not worthy enough anymore? It just makes me even more worrysome when you ignore my texts messages as I cry myself to sleep on the occasion. I want you to be happy but I always question myself. Am I making you happier? Am I satisfying your needs? I always make you worry about me. I'm always frustrated or upset at you for little things. 

I can't help it. I feel really alone when you're out with friends and enjoying yourself. I'm jealous of them, that's why I make such a huge fuss over it. It's stupid, I know. But I don't want to hold you back from them. They are your friends after all. That's why I push you away to hang out with them. I dont know. I'm so bipolar about this. I want to be with you, but I don't want to hold you back. I want to be selfish, but I don't want to feel guilty. 

I don't know why or how you put up with me. I'm such an emotional wreck. I cry too easily, get mad too easily, get upset too easily. How the fuck do you deal with shit like that? This is so stupid. I'm crying as I type this out. I have such low self esteem about myself. Nothing is going to change that. I may act like I don't have a problem, but I do. 

oh well.. Here's to another few weeks or months until you find this post. By then, it'd be too late to address this issue. 

And here's to all the people who will read this and think about how stupid I am for feeling this way. 


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